Breakups

Just plain BAD…

I just came out of a relationship. Well, not “just”, it’s been about a month or so and boy, have I lived a lifetime since! I feel there should be a guide to the post-relationship hoe-phase because it can go so, so, so BAD!

The proverbial hoe-phase was supposed to be the order of the day but after having been committed for three years, I found it a little challenging to get into. See, the idea was to go Wale “Bad” but instead, I hit a tall, dark, hot chocolate speedbump that shall (for obvious reasons) not be named. The brotha showed up unexpectedly and flipped the script when I was ready to start re-enacting the Wale “Bad” video and “hoe” the previous relationship out of my system. Here’s WHAT not to do:

  1. Think you’re savage: You’re not. You’re a woman. Unlike than the invented (for film noir purposes created by a man) Femme Fatale/La Femma Noir character, you can’t get nasty without feeling something/anything. We don’t play the game the same way and they (men) can smell the vulnerability on you. SO when you’re steady thinking you “got dis”, he already has his exit plan for when the walls (yes, I mean the ones that make you think about him every time you’re in the shower) come down.
  2. Text outside of office hours: You’ll think “OMG, what a guy! We’re just kickin it but at least I’m not just a body”. Wrong. You’re just a body. So is he. Texting is to be kept at minimum. About when, where. Thereafter, no “are you home safe messages”. They really will only read your “home safe” message in the morning when they’re thinking about breakfast.
  3. Screw anyone you may see again in your usual circle: The temptation is immense. You’ll start to see how he interacts outside of the agreed spaces, this nullifies the “just a body” rationale. It’s obvious. He’s such a great guy! His friends love and respect him. He’s such a gentleman. No. He’s a distraction. You’re getting distracted.
  4. Care: Don’t cook for him. Don’t care about what he thinks of you. Don’t even behave as the woman your mother taught you to be. Be your dirtiest, nastiest, most savage self then, ask him to leave before he thinks to put his boxers back on.
  5. Be yourself: Men want fantasy and this will serve you well because you’re running away from being your intrinsic self. Leave it all behind. Get a pseudonym if you must. Just make sure your alter ego is served as much as your alter ego will serve him

DO the following: “… be good in bed, but… be bad to you”

-Fellow Badbad

 

 

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