Big Girl Panties

I recently moved into a new apartment and besides the exceptionally taxing and yet liberating task of moving heavy pieces of furniture down flights of stairs then up some more, everything else was fairly easy. I celebrated getting it done without causing any grievous bodily harm to myself or much psychological trauma. I was wrong.

I accidentally locked myself in my bedroom on day 1 because my life is a comedy of errors. My phone was charging in the kitchen, next to my modem and my iPad was out of data so no phone calls or even FaceTime at my disposal. I realized I had to break the handle and shimmy the thingy on the inside in order to get the door open, so I got to working. All those hours spent watching TV were preparing me for this moment (props to Charlie’s Angels and all the other badbad, lock-picking female TV characters out there).

Now, I don’t own any tools and if I did, they would be in the kitchen or something like that (makes me wonder where tools should actually be kept) so I looked around my en-suite bathroom for something I could use as a screwdriver. I found a pair of nail clippers and started to feel invincible. Badbad, right?! Wrong. I got two screws out but the third wouldn’t budge so┬ánot so badass after all.

I realized I’d have to wait until security went on patrol so I could get their attention for assistance but stopped dead in my tracks. First, I had to put a bra on, comb my hair and put a little lipgloss on before attempting to be rescued- no one wants to save a crusty-looking damsel. Fortunately, before I contemplated putting a pair of heels on, I put my big girl panties on instead and decided to save myself. I used all the strength I could summon and yanked the handle out of the door, shimmied the thingy and I was free! I was a badbad again!

The moral of the story, my beloved badbads, is don’t leave your phone in another room when you’re alone in your house. And don’t close your bedroom door if you’re alone in your house. And if you’re going to need saving, it’s important to look good doing it. You’re welcome.

-Fellow Badbad


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